Monday, December 11, 2017

How I Respond to Comments about our Large Family

Well, since I was personally tagged three times on this one post about large families on facebook, I figured I had better take a moment to  talk about how I respond to these comments.

Oh you know the ones:

  • Don't you know what causes that???
  • How many are you going to have??
  • When are you going to stop??
  • Are you Catholic??
  • You sure have your hands full.
  • Your house must be huge!
  • Better you than me!
  • Just wait until they're teens!!!!
  • Are there any twins??
  • You don't look like you've had 12 kids!!
  • on and on, ad nauseam.....
Sometimes I answer, sometimes I don't!  

For the most part, I generally think that people are just curious or just trying to start a conversation with me.  I don't think, most of the time they mean any negative by the questions they ask, they ask either because they want to know the answer or maybe they got caught staring!  They do stare sometimes, and count.  That's okay!

My favorite comment is:  You don't look like you've had 12 kids!  I like that one the most because, well, I don't! I try hard to keep my weight healthy and always have been on the skinny side anyway so it doesn't bother me.  But I do wonder though, what their thought of a large family mama is supposed to look like!

My least favorite comment is:  Better you than me!  I personally value life.  All life.  And this just leads me to think that they don't.  I am probably wrong on that though and it may mean something totally different.  Mostly, I think they think children are a burden whereas I think they are a blessing!

Things to keep in mind as a large family mama when you get asked these questions, and believe me, you will!

1. People are generally trying to just be friendly.  Their tone ought to tell you that.  Smile and be friendly back to them. 

2. Think about your mood that day and try to remain in good spirits and smile.  I know for me, after about the fifth person staring or asking or counting, I can get a little offended.  That's when I have to just smile.....and be nice.  

3.  Always respond with a positive comment and point them to God.  For example, the other day while we were shopping, two were in the buggy, two were walking alongside the buggy and three teens were meandering behind us and someone said, "looks like you have your hands full today!"  I said, "Yes, God has surely blessed us!"  They smiled and went on down the aisle.

4.  If it is your conviction that having as many children as God blesses you with, and you are fully believing in that, then you are free to live joyfully in that conviction.  All the time.  Don't let these comments rattle your convictions!

I hope that helps you as it was intended.


  1. I think it’s great!

    “Don't you know what causes that???”

    You should act like you don’t know and see if anyone is willing to explain it to you.

    ;-) People mean well, but our media and culture say this stuff over and over. It’s madness. How many times have I heard a woman needs a career to be happy, but kids are an afterthought. Whoa. I had my first at 35, second at 37. Best thing I have ever done was to have them. My (unasked for) advice to younger women...have a family. Now.

    1. I have, in my younger, harder years, stared at them and said, "No. What????!!" then acted like I was still listening. My older children can tell you that is the truth! LOL!!!
      I agree with your advice to younger women! Best thing I have ever done as well.

  2. What an amazing family! I can just imagine Christmas at your house. Many blessings as you navigate comments about a large family.

    1. Awww, thanks. Yes, any holiday at our house is amazing!!! teehee!